dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Can Purell be used as lube?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
