i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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