Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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