That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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