i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
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Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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