your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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