Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
