I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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