Sacagawea was the original milf.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
