i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize