I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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