I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
