doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize