i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
