nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
