Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
