I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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