the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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