he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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