Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
