I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
