i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
