I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
