I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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