Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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