I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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