Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
