This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
