I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
