If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
