hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
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He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
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Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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