i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
