Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
