You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
