you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
This girl is more easily done than said...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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