I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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