Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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