if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
