I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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