This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better not be in your backpack
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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