OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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