hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
