I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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