First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
