remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
