I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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