Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
