Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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