I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
