it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
