i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
