Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He? As in you personified your dick?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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