She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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