What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
