I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
