The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
