I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
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It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
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I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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