Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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