tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Drake has all the answers
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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