Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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