So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
