I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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