just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
